Response to a Tacky Ad

Ed. Note: The following was printed as a letter to the editor of the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner. It is self-explanatory. Ads similar to the one addressed below are also running on TV and radio. For another very interesting (though less humorous) letter about the ads, click here. For the ensuing furor over the following letter, go to our Guest Page.

Tacky Ad

April 24, 1997

To the editor:

I am writing in response to the unbelievably tacky propaganda ad encouraging us to call our legislators and ask them to pay our state bureaucrats more then (sic) they already get.

It's the half page ad with a touching photo of a young boy looking off into the distance while his mommy bravely goes over the family budget, and little brother looks on. I'm not sure where the father is, probably working the graveyard shift to keep Top Ramen on the table, as we all know how notoriously underpaid our state employees are.

I thought it would only be courteous to address this photogenic young boy's concerns, as he spent all that time writing it.

For starters, save your mommy the $1,011.15 you have been spending each time you place this ad in the papers. I don't know where you got that kind of money young man, but you should turn the rest over to your parents right this minute.
If that doesn't set your family free from the jaws of starvation, you might suggest to your mommy that she sell the chandelier, the china cabinet, and the nice looking wood dining room table set that I see in the photo. You see young man, I pay your mommy's salary, but I do not have all those fancy things. Her selling them will let her buy you a bowl of gruel, and lessen the resentment that people like me feel for people like her.
Start smoking. With the dollar a pack tax your mommy's bosses want, this will be like giving her a raise.
Begging for money on behalf of your mommy is wrong. Not only did she tell you not to worry, but some cynics might get the impression that she put you up to this, cruelly exploiting you for a quick buck. I know you wouldn't want us to think that.
Finally, you can have your mommy call 452-HELP for a complete list of soup lines.

Good luck young man!

Sincerely,

Hugh Cleary
North Pole

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